Funny of The Day-
Prisoner's Diary
DAY 752
- My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The
only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
DAY 761
- Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the
stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, once
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on
their bed.
DAY 762
- Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving,
incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765
- Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to
make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into
their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat
I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768
- I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was
chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning
foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a
liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my
teeth.
DAY 771
- There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell
the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I
overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must
learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774
- I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The
Dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an
informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole
speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every
move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is
assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.
~~author (the name of the actual cat who wrote this) unknown
